10 Things I Learned Living Abroad – Part 1
In addition to plucking up radishes from the ground.
I have to say that three years in Lahore has taught me a great deal that I wouldn’t have learned staying in America. Most of these things have caused a fair deal of frustration in my life, but I believe that learning them has prepared us to live in other places deemed as ‘hardship posts’ in the future. It certainly makes me appreciate the relative ease of everyday life back home in the US!
1) How to Make Food from Scratch
When I first came to Pakistan, I couldn’t even identify most of the fresh vegetables, fruits and spices in the markets. During college, I only had a full kitchen for one semester, and even then I was too busy working on my thesis project to use it very much.
It wasn’t until December of 2007 that we finally got a real kitchen, not just two gas burners on a rickety stand. In Pakistan you can’t buy frozen or prepared foods at affordable prices, so I learned how to figure out the difference between cumin and turmeric, what cloves were, how to cook eggplant and how to make my own sauces and soups completely from scratch.
2) How to Wash Clothes in a Bucket
In the US, if you don’t have an on site washer and dryer there is always the possibility of going to a laundromat. Not so in much of the rest of the world! During my first year in Lahore, when I had only one person’s clothes to wash, I did all of my laundry myself in a trusty green plastic bucket.
Some locals and expats use semi-automatic machines and very few have automatic washers. I haven’t met anyone who uses an electric dryer since there is an abundance of sunlight most of the year. My bucket washing regimen worked quite well until there were clothes for two people; then I had to give in and hire a maid…who subsequently turned most of our clothes pink in one go.
3) How to Say “No”
White skin and Americanness are treated as commodities in Pakistan. At first we thought people were just overly hospitable, but then we started to realize why we were being invited to so many weddings of somebody or other’s cousin or even asked to preach at a local church we just stepped foot into. Having foreign guests at an event or at your house brings prestige and status, and we simply could not sane bestowing our presence upon people we barely knew week in and week out.
Aside from that, many locals had the idea that because we were “goras” (foreigners) that we could do anything. I was offered several jobs that I had to forcefully explain that I was completely unqualified for. One book publisher was really excited to hire me to write a series of English textbooks for elementary school students, despite the fact that I had NO experience teaching at that level and no training in elementary education or literacy.
4) How to Deal with Bureaucracy
I can’t say I’ve mastered this one, but I learned to quell my frustration when dealing with bureaucratic officers. During the three years I spent in Pakistan, it’s hard to think of one day when I did not have to think about visa applications or extensions or the possibly that Duarte and I might be stuck in different countries due to delays on paperwork getting signed or lack of consensus among government officers.
I learned to show up at visa offices at 9:00 with a book or some papers to grade and to not be bitter while waiting until 11 or 12 for the officers to arrive, finish their tea and get started with the day’s business. With my Urdu tutor, I rehearsed lines like, “Hello honorable sir, I applied for my NGO visa in May and I have been waiting three months for a reply from your office. I called last week and was told to call back today. Do you have any news for me?”
Yes, it was still frustrating, and often the last thing I wanted to do was smile and be cordial with these officers whose pens could wreak havoc on my life, but I never had to pay a bribe and was able to leave bureaucratic offices feeling like I accomplished something rather than breaking down in tears of confusion.
5) How to Use Gas Appliances
Once in 2003 I stayed in a hostel in Madrid that had a gas stove. After 30 minutes, I still could not figure out how to light it. I’d used electric appliances my whole life and had an illogical fear of gas appliances.
Moving to Pakistan, I had no choice but to get comfortable lighting a gas stove. I also learned how gas water heaters work and how to light the pilot light when monsoon winds have blown it out. Before living abroad, I’d never even heard of a pilot light. I never questioned how the water came out of the tap hot.
It seems ridiculous that I didn’t know how to do these before living abroad, but I really had no idea.
This post is getting quite long – so stay tuned for Part 2 later this week!
Thanks for keeping it real! I have a fear and ignorance of lighting gas, too!
I’m still afraid of gas leaks (one of my expat friends had her eyebrows burnt off twice from leaking stoves, once in China and once in India…come to think of it she may have done it in Pakistan as well), but I’m MUCH more comfortable and less clueless now!
Exparth salam alaikum,
I have the same picture with turnep in my garden in babaghundi.where i can grow vigtabl only three months of all the year.
http://www.facebook.com/pages/Aitch-Eye-Photography/210141100008?v=wall#!/photo.php?pid=5704575&fbid=433472182372&id=725567372
Alam
Alam! Thanks for stopping by. Nice to see some of your photography.
Having to wash my clothes in a bucket would drive me up the wall. I deliberately do not buy any clothes that require hand washing. Having said that though, if there is no choice than I suppose it has to be done.
It’s interesting that the many invitations you received are in order for you to bestow prestige on other people – in the West you’d be feeling extremely generous to invite strangers to your wedding.
So true, especially because here in the US you’re probably paying $30 – $100 (or more!) per head for the guests. In Pakistan, the food was always buffet style and people sat in rows rather than at tables, so it made it much easier to invite extra people even at the last minute.
Heather,
Yay! Happy to see you’re here again!
I can relate to so much of your list from my Namibia days, especially washing clothes and saying no. Funny how when I moved abroad, I never imagined how prominent those things aspects of life would be.
Are you still making food from scratch? I use the same pizza dough recipe I learned all those years ago…
I still make a lot of Indian/Pakistani food for scratch, as well as casseroles and soups I learned how to make while living abroad. I’m quite happy to use pasta sauces from a jar now though, especially in summer when cooking sauce for hours makes the apartment heat up quickly!
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Hi Heather
I am an Indian girl and just finished a year in Belgium, my first experience living abroad. I had a role reversal of sorts. Reading your post reminded me of some of my learnings in this past one year. I cooked food from scratch every single day and also washed clothes in the bucket (out of habit)and having done that for a year and managing school work along with it, I can now appreciate the benefits of instant food. But it never satisfies the taste buds.
I learnt that Mc Donalds in India and the one abroad is completely different. No aloo burger.
I realized the extent of non vegetarian food and alcohol surpassed the levels i was used to seeing in India. What with the strict restriction on consumption and sale of liquor, drinking is an occasion in itself , worth a profile pic on FB. The vast array of bottles on supermarket shelves along with the (ghastly ??) sight of animal flesh spread across the shelves, often with blood still oozing beneath the plastic was a shocking picture.
Another revelation was the almost zero level of spices in the food, arguably the hardest difference to adjust to. The attitude towards food was completely different. Food in Asian culture is a celebration of the sense, it should smell, look and taste good. There should be a main and a side dish. almost every meal is a combination of paired flavours and textures of food. Food seemed like a necessary chore in Europe, something to be hurried, like re-fuelling the biological tank.
Going out with friends is often about street food and constant chatting, sometimes just aimless wandering. a time for nothing specific but everything in general. But there, meetings were always in a Bar (always to drink something, nothing to eat; teetotallers be damned, stick to coke) or always somewhere in particular. A night out or a concert or anything SPECIFIC & PURPOSEFUL activity involving 2 or more people. Backpacking, a European staple among the European student community (I suspect in all western countries) for several months, sometimes even alone carrying 50-60 kgs, washing their clothes in wash basins, sleeping in tents….the spartan life..all of it was a new experience….the safety and openness provided to women, in all spheres of public life was a welcome change. The lack of excessive social monitoring and interference…I could go on and on..BUt this was on top of my list of learnings…..
Yeah definitely no ‘aloo burger’ in Belgium! I’m sure it was shocking to see so much meat and alcohol. I’m not a big drinker (think a glass of wine once a month at a family dinner) so I definitely didn’t miss the giant liquor stores while in Pakistan!
You’d probably enjoy one of my articles on Matador – Cooking in Lahore: An American Woman in a Pakistan Kitchen , where I talk about a lot of the same things you do regarding food. I’ve actually been inspired by my time in South Asia to enjoy cooking and eating more, and to feel good about allotting more time for it in my daily schedule. I was so impressed at how my landlady could differentiate all the spices without having labels on them, and now I have my spices like that back here in the US. I spent two months looking for garam masala and curry powder (which I now use ALL the time) – wish I’d brought back more with me from Pakistan cause they’re so expensive over here!
Definitely, though I have yet to learn how to properly wash clothes by hand… ah, the curse of being in a country with washing machines. I paid absurd amounts every month in Japan to have my clothes dried. It’s the little things you take for granted. I’m right there with you on the bureaucracy; no one should try to get a foreign visa in Japan:
http://www.keepingpaceinjapan.com/2008/06/how-to-not-get-foreign-visa-in-japan.html
No dryers in Japan? I heard in Korea most people use combo washer/dryers and figured those were popular throughout the region.
Re: gas appliances: Last year, when I lived in Daegu, South Korea, my cat, Chingu, got too close to the gas stove and singed off half her whiskers. I’m glad that my current apartment in Iksan has an electric stove. (Chingu is still a pyromaniac.)
Re: washing clothes: nobody I know in Korea has a dryer. Most apartments do have washing machines and clothes-drying racks.
Ooh so sorry for your cat! My husband managed to set a pillow on fire by throwing it out of the bed and having it land on our sketchy $5 electric heater. That thing definitely would not be legal in the U.S.
One girl I tutored in English (back in the US) from Korea was telling me she was ‘shocked’ that Americans have separate washers and dryers, because she said she had always used a combo machine and most of her friends did too. Admittedly she was from a well-off family in Seoul, I wonder if it’s only a certain type of family that has that kind of machine or if something got lost in translation…
Hi Heather –
I so enjoyed reading these articles! I lived in Lahore for one year, and Islamabad for 3. Brought back many memories and lessons learned a long the way. I also can relate to your reverse culture shock. It was hard to return to the US – I felt like a foreigner in my own country – I still do. I didn’t stay long in the US – we returned overseas. Thanks for sharing your experiences.
CC
Thanks for stoppin’ by! When were you in Pakistan?
atleast u learnt something lol…;)